a good start

WEEK 103 - POST 3

Wow.

Yesterday was a big day for me and I'm hoping that I can get back to work now, find the pleasure and excitement of doing what I love.

There is still this question in my head as to whether I really want to work with the part-time collaborator (contract hasn't been signed yet) but I'm hoping that mostly this was just a hiccup and that there will be less noise (from national office and other extraneous expectations) so that I can just focus on delivering my program.

While I appreciate the growth opportunity (in terms of recognizing shame) I'm really tired of all the stress that this job puts on me (or that I put on myself due to these buried issues).

At the end of yesterday I had a great reminder that no one is perfect.  Our national Executive Director texted me at 9 pm asking me for the password to get into the online funding application system.  She's always doing these types of things that make me question her ability but now I can see that I am harshly judging her just to feel better about myself.  And it's interesting to witness this woman as she makes these mistakes.   She seems to have a generous heart about it and forgive herself for these failings.  There is this sense that she is making a mistake, rather than that that she herself is a failure.  (Whereas I wanted her to be seen as a failure.  I was frustrated that she could make these many mistakes and still be admired.)

WHEW!  Big learning lesson.

OK BIG DAY FOR ME.

I went for a walk.  I had a coffee.  Now I'm going to work on my stuff!

Here goes everything!

xo