oh wow. this week could not have gone more sideways.
- from a "friend" who added someone (I didn't invite) to our email conversation so we could all get together (when I didn't want to do a group outing)
- to staff who disappointed by pushing back on my asks and then not responding at all on the last day when we had to get something out
- to a colleague who is like a dog with a bone trying to push her own agenda trying to wrap it up in a "I'm doing this for you" narrative
- and dealing with all of this on top of the paperwork stresses which came to a head Tuesday when I thought I could lose half of the money I made six years ago.
And really I'm realizing that some of these stresses in the end are because I feel like I'm not in integrity with my part-time job.
- I'm doing supervising (which I never wanted to do) - both this spring with the graphic designer and now with staff that needs too much hand holding
- I'm covering work that my boss would normally be doing while she is away (and it's not at all covered in the grant deliverables)
- The approach my boss takes is very different from others and can raise questions and makes me feel vulnerable to attacks.
But let's look at it this way:
You estimated 247 hours for the FS & CS and you did it in 279 - you only went over by 32 hours (13% over) - but you wrote 4 more CS than you had proposed! And you wrote double the amount of pages that you had estimated for the CS's (your 2-3 pages estimate ended up being 4-5 pages for all of them). And for the FS's - you delivered the max you promised rather than the minimums (you said 2 - 4 pages and they were all 4 pages and you said 5 - 7 pages for the Primer and it was 8 pages.) So you actually did AMAZING work for this project!!!!
You estimated 8 hours per audit and it ended up being exactly that (but it's just split in a different way!) and they may have taken a bit more administration than you realized. And they were on average 5.4 pages each when you had estimated 3 pages each. So again HUGE VALUE ADDED!!
I'm here to give yourself permission to cut yourself some slack.
Remember:
You had to deal and are dealing with so many upsets (having to "up" the number of case studies, your MIA boss (no review), passed off to someone who didn't provide value added in terms of edits or comments and wasted more hours, managing the graphic design contract, finding events for the summer staff, training + supervising the contract worker, covering for your boss while she's away, spending hours on a grant application that your ED nixed) that it's amazing that you are still getting everything done!
TRUST YOURSELF!!! YOU DID AN AMAZING JOB ESTIMATING HOURS FOR THESE PRODUCTS!! TRUST THAT YOU CAN BE A CONTRACTOR AND GET PAID FOR THE VALUE OF YOUR WORK!!
YES YOU CAN!!!
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