WEEK 99 - POST 3
This is another tough week.
I am really reeling in terms of whether to work at my part-time job again this year. I really should go at it alone (just do my BIZ full time) but I do love what I do with the part-time job (when I'm in the "field" and connecting to like-minded people) and it touches upon a different area than my BIZ (so I wouldn't be doing it if I let go of the part-time work).
I just don't like all the "politics" with the administration and the way my collaborator does things (it just feels a bit shady). It's hard though because she's really revered in her field (for being a DOER and getting things done), including those who provide her with funding for all her NFP's. So I feel like she CAN'T be doing anything shady if she's been at this for 15 years and no one has ever said anything to the contrary.
UGH, UGH, UGH.
But I think I need to honour how I feel NOW.
In my brain I'm arguing the fact that I've worked with her two years now and nothing has gone wrong and that everything worked out (even when I was stressed) but I do feel like if I asked for us to be "totally transparent" with our funders (tell them our situation, etc) that she would balk. UGH.
Last year's motto was "expansion". This year's motto is "leaning to yes". And this just doesn't feel like a YES anymore. Even the funders just want to see things done but also don't want any liability and I don't like how this whole industry (the NFP industry) works. It feels just as limiting as government.
And rather than beat myself for being so emotional and having a difficult time with this, what I need to do is celebrate the fact that light is being shone on this issue and I'm ready to honour what feels right and to be completely transparent.
YOU CAN DO THIS GIRL!!
xo
p.s. I DID say "no" to Fbook this morning (yay!!) Not going there - I don't want to derail today also. xo
p.p.s. Also - no matter what, you CAN now say that you have written SEVERAL (4) successful grant applications. Yes you did!!!
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