let's see where this goes...

WEEK 127 - POST 1

I'm back and I feel very rejuvenated.

It wasn't due to the trip (where I felt like I had very little real "downtime") but it was more due to a lot of emotional stuff that I've been processing over the past year and especially leading up to this trip.  It was a rough August and I even went to have some counselling/therapy discussions to help me sort through it all.  The talks ended up helping me clarify what I really needed in terms of support and the type of support I'm looking for now (as opposed to ten years ago) because I WASN'T getting it in these talks.  So ending the therapy and looking for someone else, along with having the travel behind me and finding some interest/excitement about new projects that I haven't felt in years has made me feel very optimistic.  It's all of this and so much more.

• It includes the journey with HSHB (and ending it) and with my accountability partner (who for the third time "disappeared" on me - albeit only for a 2.5 day period this time).

• It includes a decision in terms of business support (how can I take advice from a business coach who is there to help with the ups and downs of business - while she herself has to regulate the ups and downs with prescription drugs?).  I'm not against support from prescription drugs for mental illnesses, it's just that if I'm drug-free dealing with the ups and downs, how can someone using this type of enhancement really know what is the best advice for me?

• It includes the letting go of "discipline" (in terms of food and exercise) for the last year or so in order to find a better way back in terms of loving support and "devotional discipline" instead

• It includes the letting go of my old approach to friends (putting them on a rotating list and just going through that list) as it never allowed me to go deep with anyone and made me expectations of certain people high (when they expressed HOW MUCH they liked me and HOW MUCH they enjoy doing stuff with me but then they never followed up and never prioritized me).

• It includes many walks in nature over the last few years and the continual realization that these make me feel happy, connected and that they are also a step in self-care.  xo

• It includes a two year journey through a journaling exercise with my younger self and reconnect with that and providing what I didn't get when I was a child (and before that a one year exercise (when I still had a 9to5 job) where I would answer the same three questions daily or as often as I could)

OK - Let's see where this goes!!  xo