WEEK 93 - POST 2
Lots of ups and downs this week.
Monday I took the morning off but was thrilled to publish two blog posts! And then this woman (very kind but scattered) I was to meet on Tuesday afternoon asked me if I could move our meet-up (walk outdoors) to the morning. After we had already moved it from Wednesday to Tuesday for her. It bothered me because it felt like I was bending over backwards to accommodate her but I just wanted this meet-up to be done - as we had already cancelled, postponed, etc it for three months. I really just wanted to drop it all together - it's not working out, let's just accept that and put it behind us. UGH. But of course that would be too awkward.
So Tuesday I go to meet her and FIRST she's 15 minutes late and then SECOND she WALKED to our meet-up so of course it wasn't going to be a walk outdoors. DOUBLE UGH.
Anyway, it was a good talk because we have a lot in common and she is so kind but of course it also made me very nervous because we are in similar lines of work and I just feel like I will never succeed. I know I shouldn't compare. But I was especially nervous after she told me she was going to be very busy this summer. I'm not sure if it meant that her business was taking off or if she was referring to something else but I didn't want to clarify. TRIPLE UGH.
When I got home in the afternoon, it did light a fire under me. So that was good!!
But we shall see if that carries me through the rest of the week. And I'm also struggling to balance the other parts: my health, quality downtime with work. I really feel like I'm letting myself down - I either want to work too much or I just want to watch tv (no fun, exercise, getting out, etc.). I also found myself over eating yesterday (again - at least I was aware) to stuff down the feelings of fear.
I need to be able to just sit with it next time. (Like now!) xo
I did say no to two things: A presentation in March and a meeting in March (both for part-time job). So that's good!! xo
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