the text that saved me from going over the edge

WEEK 40 - POST 3

This is really an ELECTRIC time.

After my amazing "download" Monday night, I went to do a presentation (for my part-time job) and ended up chatting with this woman at the end of the night who is volunteering with an organization that I volunteered with in 2013 and 2014.  Someone I greatly admire and enjoyed working with and where I really had some fun - finding them funding, being creative in funding requests and marketing and networking.  I definitely felt like an asset there, especially when the ED said, these are things that I just don't think about and am so glad that you are on top of.

So it was fun to talk to this woman about how great his initiative (organization) is and how great he is.

After the amazing download and then this great conversation, I found myself stressed out today (Wednesday) after my monthly check-in with my part-time boss (who I also have the writing contract with).  I had some suggestions of what to do since we (I) were/was having a hard time identifying one last group for a case study.  I had come upon many dead-ends and lots of unreturned emails and phone calls.  But she didn't like my alternative and even called it "unprofessional".

What a blow.

I thought I was creatively finding a solution so that we could ensure we delivered in the spirit of the grant but not in the actual letter.  Rather than saying, well we just weren't able to get it complete and deliver less than we promised (in the grant application), I had an option that would allow us to deliver as much but just in a different way.  (And we never got the full funding for the project - so you would think that when a foundation only gives you 20% of the budget they can't expect you to deliver on the full proposal.)

But it was unprofessional in her eyes.

She actually used that word to describe what I was doing.

So YES I felt unprofessional.

What a huge blow.

And at the end of the day I was thinking that this was ridiculous.  Why would I want to continue to work in this environment when creativity, flexibility and ingenuity was considered unprofessional.  When looking at a closed door and finding an open window would not be appreciated.

There is so much more that I can do if I am my own boss.  And especially if I go down the road that I'm envisioning, there would only be SELF-IMPOSED deadlines and PAYMENT after launch when people see the VALUE in a product.  I wouldn't be trying to sell the idea beforehand and get payment for a product when it may still need to be tweaked and changed (and then upset the people who I "sold" the initial idea to).

It was a huge realization that maybe yes, this might be my last year to work with a not-for-profit and these rigid ways of delivering programs and products to funders.

And that felt GREAT!!

But then I got a text from her ...

Sorry if I was a bit abrupt on the call today with you.   Rising to try and make a meeting and finish a report.  You are doing a great job!

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