WEEK 32 - POST 3
(A little bit of self-talk & support: "You keep doing it!! You keep impressing me. I'm so happy that this is working finally!! First it was the case studies - which you think would never get written and now it's the fact sheets. You WILL figure this out!! xo)
I did two final drafts of fact sheets this weekend (yay!!) and am ready to get 3-4 more under my belt this week.
It's been a struggle. (To say the least.)
Every time I sit down, my mind distracts me, my stomach begs for comfort food and my heart is just a big blank. It's funny as I used to receive this type of work from consultants and think "I can do better" and/or have many critiques about how to improve the information/writing. But now at the other end of the situation, I'm fearful of the same critiques - although they never really come directly at you.
But I guess I just fear what people "think". (Especially (I'm realizing) knowing what I thought - how harsh I was at the other end.)
As if thoughts could really ruin us.
In some ways we have learnt that "thoughts become things" but in other ways we are told that "thoughts can't hurt us".
And this worry about other people's thoughts is stopping me.
Also the worry that I won't be able to live up to the "expert in her field" notion that I'm holding myself up to.
(I think this may be a struggle for many (especially women) in my generation.)
I'm trying to do what they always say - write for that "one person". I'm imagining that one person who will be excited with what I have to say and wants to take on my suggestions... I'm surrounding myself with others who are part of the same "crusade" so I don't feel so alone and worried about "screaming into the wind". I'm trying to address the stomach that needs to comforted, the heart that just can't say what's really going on and the mind that distracts rather than facing my "perceived" fears.
And slowly it is working.
(I'm also trying to be accepting of how much time it is taking!!)