WEEK 15 - POST 1
So last week was good. I meet up with my friend (every quarter or so) to check in on our lives (after we went to a TUT event together many years ago). We have these TUTing sessions and it's a great way to visualize your live and move it forward. She's had an established business for years (ever since I've known here) but she has never done alot of marketing and hasn't really done much to grow the business (but it still grows through word of mouth because she's so great!). She was just too bogged down with other things - certification, divorce, making a home, etc.
She commented that we were now (both) at a place where we can grow our businesses. That we've created our foundations and gotten through the muck (not her words) and we are just ready. She really held space for me recognizing how far I've gone and where I'm at now. It was incredible.
There are so many things changing in my life that it's hard to see that I'm clinging to a life raft sometimes.
- Working at home
- Writing grant proposals
- Self-employed entrepreneur
- Keeping my own hours
- Not in an office environment
- Going from contract to contract
- Developing my own products to offer to the world
It's always been a struggle to believe that I can make this passion of mine into a paycheck. Especially as I'm doing something in a very non-traditional area. I'm not a ceramic potter or a shopkeeper or a professional contractor (in a traditional sense) or a life coach or a holistic health practitioner or a musician or a newspaper reporter. I can't see how people will pay for what I offer.
Over the last couple of months as I get closer and closer to doing what I love and stepping out and seeing what I can offer, I get more and more enamored with the idea of just winning the lottery. Then I don't have to ask anyone to "buy my stuff" or "purchase what I offer". I can just do what I love and offer it out to the world and it won't matter what people think.
I'm scared. I'm scared that people won't get it, will criticize it, will laugh at it, will think I'm a fake (that I do not offer anything of value).
So I watch the Real Housewives and I dream about the Lottery and I wish my life was completely different.
Or I'm wishing that I was a twenty-something and that I had all this energy and gung-ho and nothing to lose and could just go out there and do something. I will spend time thinking if only I could live in a tiny house and get rid of all my possessions and live a nomad lifestyle - it would all work out. I'm in my forties and I feel like my ship has sailed and that I'm stuck with a house in a city where I may not be able to make it happen. Maybe I just want to run away?
So it's all this fear coming up but I can't even see that it's just fear about the immediate and I see it as questioning my whole life and what I've done and how impossible it all is (if I don't win the lottery).
But all this distracts me from the fact that RIGHT NOW I have the time to do what I LOVE and not to worry too much about money and I'm just wasting it with this worry and fear and dread.
But then I also don't want to beat myself up for wasting the time and I want to recognize that this is a journey and I have found myself in a very unfamiliar location in terms of trying to make it as an entrepreneur and that I've lost that sense of familiar (going to work, checking in with colleagues, being part of something bigger, not worrying too much about how my work will be received and then just riding the bus home every night).
I have NONE OF THAT anymore. I do have a part-time job that gives me enough money to get by every month and that gives me free hours to do what I love. And I will have that for another year and four months. After that it may get REALLY SCARY.
I need to ease into this new life so I can take advantage of it even more.
I CAN BUILD THIS INTO MY DREAM LIFE.
Let's just do it one step at a time.
And just so as not to lose the flow - here is a quick check in for me:
What's Inspiring You This Week: The support I'm getting from my Alaskan MMinder friend, the start of the week (fruit and meditation) and the continued warm weather.
Where Are you Stuck This Week: I am feeling stressed right now as I right this as I'm resisting something that has been asked of me (from my part-time job). I feel pressured, under a time crunch and am frustrated at "not being heard". My priorities and beliefs are not matching with others. What to do??? It's affecting everything including my entrepreneurial focus, time and spirit.
What Is The Message You Need To Hear: This will not be forever. You will find people who will match with your priorities. Do not let the other job eat into your time for your entrepreneur work as this is what needs to have the energy, love and passion so that it can grow and flourish!!!
Put in your hours and then check out. Their worries are not your worries.
What Will You Commit To For This Week: it's a Tuesday - yesterday was a holiday so this week is going to go by really quick! (Tuesday Writing Contract, Wednesday/Thursday - Blog or Tour (for part-time work), Friday Writing Contract) I really have to make blogging (and the entrepreneur work) a priority for two half days!
OK, that's me... now tell me about you!!
What's Inspiring You This Week:
Where Are you Stuck This Week:
What Is The Message You Need To Hear:
What Will You Commit To For This Week: