What Should I Even Say?

WEEK 18 - POST 2

I feel like I shouldn't even check in.

I haven't been able to work on the blog for a week and a half.

What can I say?  I have nothing to report.  I feel like I'm starting to fail.

Even without any time, I also stare at my blog and feel like I have nothing to write.

I feel like it's all done.  I have nothing to say.  I wonder if I'm saying the right thing?

I'm wondering, doubting, unsure.

But I'm also trying not to make a big deal of it.

To trust that when I do have the time to write again that there will be something to say.

To know that I can ask for help, look outside for inspiration - get outside even!

And I want to note a couple of things that are happening that may not seem to be about the business but that are ultimately about the business.  (I'm reading Marianne Williamson.)

- I had my lingual wire removed.  I didn't know how I would react but it's been OK and also amazing.  Ok as I haven't had a large negative reaction to it.  Great because my spouse really knows to celebrate and honour this with me.  (WOW)  Amazing because I'm having a different relationship with my body due to this (and my teeth specifically).

- I had this incredible shift.  I'm hoping it will last but I'm also trying not to attach to it.  I have alot more peace about who I am, how I need to take care of myself and how I see the world operating around me.  I'm sinking deep into my reality, accepting it for what it is and not seeking validation from outside.  CALM, NO RUSH, ACCEPTANCE, LOVE.  (I don't know how else to describe it.) The shift happened due to journalling, moving through alot of unhappiness (*time*), reading (finding some aha moments from others) and then asking the question - what am I here for - how can I be of service?

- I wrote the first part of a script of something I want to record for my business and I feel the energy pulling me there.  I still want to do my blog (and find energy for that) but it's always been about creating more resources and being able to offer people tangible things that they will value and want to support (and invest in).  (This came with the shift - so thrilled about this!)

My goal right now is to get through this end of the month crunch.

My bigger goal is to make sure that I don't have this crunch at the end of next month.

The writing is not AS intimidating.  Every day I am learning a small piece of how to work with the fear and keep going.  Every day I am seeing the intimidating and breaking it down into smaller pieces.  Every day I look up to what is intimidating me and then I look down just to see the next step, just to see a small portion of it and it's not AS intimidating.

Every day I am learning how to be an entrepreneur, how to risk and achieve and how to move forward towards what I want.  And with each small success the belief that what I want is available to me grows.


p.s. I DIDN'T go to my university event - so I dropped that opportunity to network - accepted that maybe next year would be better.  Also there is an opportunity to receive $2500 for ideas to improve our community - again doesn't feel right this year, but possibly next?


p.p.s.  Small update Friday after work.  Worked on two blog posts and now motivated to gather photos from archives!  So that's good news!!  Also took photos today of two sites (while out doing tour for other job) PLUS forgot to mention that another Networking Action I'm doing is volunteering for a group and am now helping out with their Social Media.  (This is great to meet like-minded people and boosting my morale and making me feel connected! Yay!!)

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